Proverbs 5

In this chapter, Solomon returns in more detail to the depraved heart that leads a man to forsake the wife of his youth for another (Pro 2:16-20). He shows that that path demoralizes the whole man. It is a warning from man to man to avoid any sexual connection with an adulteress, literally strange woman, that is, any woman outside of one’s own, lawful wife.

If we assume that in verses 1-6 the grandfather is still speaking to the father, we see that David spoke about this evil of an adulteress, literally a strange woman, to his son Solomon. Either way, it is a matter that every generation has to deal with. Sexual desire does not cease after reaching a certain age. Whoever is tempted by the strange woman has left the path of life and goes the path of death. The terminus of the path with the adulteress, the strange woman, is death. Many deny this. They want, so to speak, to reach life by the way of death. In doing so, life does have a different meaning for them than it does for God. It is impossible to live true life through that path.

The father again begins by encouraging his son to give attention to his “wisdom” and to listen carefully to his “understanding” (verse 1). The “wisdom” is God’s wisdom, what God has revealed; the “understanding” is what he has acquired through experience and observation. He has more often called to listen to him (Pro 2:1; 3:1,2; 4:1,10,20), but here he does so particularly in view of the temptation with which a strange woman approaches him.

If his son is indeed listening, he will “observe discretion” (verse 2). He will then think before he does anything and live carefully and disciplined. This will keep him from making hasty, wrong choices. His lips will “reserve knowledge”, meaning he will speak what he has learned from his father. That knowledge is knowledge of God, knowledge that brings reverence for Him and obedience to His commandments. That knowledge will be evident from his words (“your lips”). “Discretion” and “knowledge” are the basis of avoiding the temptation to commit the disastrous folly of adultery.

These verses are the introduction to the father’s teaching to his son about sexuality. Only by listening to his wise words will he be kept from satisfying his sexual desires in a wrong way. The wrong way is outside of marriage. The father also tells him that he can fully enjoy it within marriage. Therefore, he calls on his son to listen to his wisdom and his understanding (Pro 6:20-24; 7:1-5).

Verse 3 begins with the reasoning word “for”, which means that what now follows is why the father tells his son to observe discretion (verse 2). Without any further introduction, he tells him that he will have to deal with “an adulteress”, i.e. a strange woman. He does not suppose it as a possibility, but states it as fact. This is going to happen.

The strange woman is the forbidden woman, the unauthorized woman. First, this refers to a woman other than one’s own. Next, it concerns a woman who deliberately sets out to seduce. The father has said something about her before (Pro 2:16-19), but now he is going to inform his son at length about her.

She is an adulteress, that is, a woman who is unfaithful to her own husband. The sin of unfaithfulness is the first major sin committed in adultery. The father tells his son how she goes about seducing him into adultery. That unfaithful woman comes to him with words that are honey-sweet and even smoother than oil (cf. Song 4:11a). She speaks flattering, pleasing words that slip easily into his ear and into his heart.

Her “lips” are a great contrast to those of the youth that preserve knowledge (verse 2). Those trained in speaking healthy words with their lips, whose lips preserve knowledge, those accustomed to faith-building conversation, will immediately notice that her language is depraved. Healthy language we get only if we listen to the Word of God and teaching from it.

The (grand)father unmasks the corruption behind the seductive language (verse 4; cf. Psa 55:21). He moves directly from the temptation to the consequences, to what she is “in the end”. By this he means where it ends, what her goal is, what is the result of her pernicious action. What she says seems so sweet and so pleasant. But what dealing with her leads to is so bitter, “bitter as wormwood”. Her tongue is “sharp as a two-edged sword”, literally “a sword with more than one mouth”, causing pain and destruction. The sword represents a devouring monster (2Sam 2:26; Isa 1:20). The temptress poisons and kills (cf. Ecc 7:26a).

The father paints the consequences of an adulterous life (verse 5). His son should be aware that through this woman’s bed, the bed of sin, he ends up on the way down to death. Her footsteps are moving toward the grave. That is where she is steering. Before we know whether to go with someone, we need to know where the other person is heading. Sin always leads to death: “For the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23; Jam 1:15).

She deliberately sets out to keep the young man from taking “the path of life” (verse 6). It is also recognizable today in the countless temptations in advertisements, on billboards and on porn sites. The more a person looks at these and takes them in, the more the conscience dulls and the path of death is followed. This woman swings from one death road to another, there is nothing stable in her life, she is unpredictable. Aimless, uncontrolled and erratic she advances. You can see this in her tracks, which run erratically from left to right and back again. She walks like someone who is drunk. There is no rest or direction in it. If the youth is tempted by her, he will not realize that he is wandering just as she is. He sees only her and pays no attention to the way she is going.

By the strange woman is primarily meant a literal danger. But she also points in the application to a spiritual danger. For we can see in the strange woman “woman Foolishness” standing opposite “woman Wisdom” (Pro 9:1-5,13-18). The temptation emanating from woman Folly is to draw us away from the fear of the LORD. She finds her full application in “Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots” (Rev 17:5), a picture of the roman-catholic church.

Beginning in verse 7, the father (Solomon) continues the teaching on the danger of the strange woman that he received from his father (David). That teaching continues to the end of Proverbs 7, with a break in Proverbs 6:1-19. The father speaks at length about this danger to his children, which, as mentioned, is a danger to every generation. The one addressed may be a married son (verses 15-19), but it is not necessary for the teaching. The dangers apply to both the married and unmarried son and remain present as long as he lives.

The father introduces his teaching about the danger of the strange woman by calling on his children to listen to him and not to depart from the words of his mouth (verse 7). He has done the same in verses 1-2. That he does it again is because he wants them to keep their attention on his teaching and for as long as they live. To turn away to a strange woman is to turn away from the teaching of the father.

He begins with the simple reasoning that the son stays as far away as possible from the place of temptation and does not come near the door of her house (verse 8). If he comes near her, he will come under the hearing of her flattering voice. He must detour so that he does not hear her or see her. We can and should pray “and lead us not into temptation” (Mt 6:13), but we can only do so in sincerity if we do not seek the temptation ourselves.

From verse 9 follows the motivation to stay as far away from her as possible. This is indicated by the words “or” and “and” in verses 9-10. For if he comes under her influence and engages with her, he will lose his vigor, his good name and honor (verse 9). He has thrown away the bloom of his life and given it “to others”, such as the strange woman, to “enjoy” it. He himself has lost all enjoyment of it. He will never again be able to enjoy his own wife, his own children, his own family. He has plunged himself into the greatest misery.

He will also hand himself over to “the cruel one” for the best years of his life and beyond. The cruel one is the woman. She controls him and makes harsh demands of him. Here we can also think of blackmail, a not uncommon phenomenon in marital infidelity.

What is related to this is that others will take possession of his power and that he will hand over everything he earns by works to the “a stranger” (verse 10). In the “stranger” we can also best see the cruel woman of the previous verse, the temptress, the adulteress. We see here that connection with the stranger brings into financial trouble. A person in the power of such a “stranger” often has to go into debt to meet her demands. This is explained in detail in Proverbs 6:1-19.

The end result is groaning and being a physical wreck due to exhaustion (verse 11). This can happen, for example, through venereal disease and AIDS, diseases that demolish the body. The body is prematurely decayed and used up. Clearly, the price of unfaithfulness because of “a passing pleasure in sin” (Heb 11:25) is enormous. One who commits this unfaithfulness charges a priceless debt. The path of death leads to loss of honor, time, money, strength and health and to pain, regret and everlasting torment at the end of life.

Then comes the forced acknowledgment, expressed in desperate remorse and hopeless self-reproach (verse 12). ‘How could I have done such a thing? How could I have hated instruction and could my heart have rejected punishment?’ He was clearly and sternly told to stay far away from the adulteress, but he did not listen and went down that path willy-nilly. “To hate” means to have an aversion to it. He responded to the instruction with aversion.

Inwardly, in his “heart”, he has rejected “discipline”. He resisted it instead of bowing to it and accepting it. He heard the instruction and discipline, but would not obey it. Now his conscience condemns him, realizing too late that he ignored the teaching and instruction. Hell will be full of people who say again and again full of remorse: ‘If only I had ...’

He must then acknowledge that it is his own fault because he did not listen to “my teachers” and “my instructors” (verse 13). These people, by whom mainly his father and his mother will be meant – the son speaks twice of “my” – have been teaching him privately. They worked intensively with him to teach him how to make the right choices. In this they trained him and accustomed him to it. And yet he rejected their teaching and disobeyed the commandments they set before him. He thought himself wiser than they; he was wise in his own eyes (Pro 3:7). This makes his sin extra great.

The father says all this to his son as an insistent appeal to listen to his warnings. Then he will be spared the utter ruin and endless remorse resulting from a wrong choice.

The sin of adultery leads to a multitude of other sins. The young man must confess to his shame that he has been “almost in utter ruin” (verse 14). Also, he will become aware that his fornication is not only a personal sin, but that the whole congregation has also been defiled by him (cf. 1Cor 5:1-13). In the Old Testament there is no vicarious sacrifice for this sin, but the death penalty follows (Lev 20:10; Deu 22:22). In the New Testament, committing this sin follows the discipline of the church, which means that such a person is removed from the church as an evil one (1Cor 5:13).

The alternative to escape the temptation of the strange woman is not compulsory total abstinence or celibacy (1Tim 4:3). The father points his son to his own wife. The desire for forbidden pleasures stems from dissatisfaction with blessings a person possesses. He tells him that his own wife should be enough for him (verse 15). In his own house he has a well that can quench his thirst. By this he means his wife. Thus with him “marriage can be held in honor and the marriage bed undefiled, for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4).

She satisfies his sexual desires just as water satisfies someone who is thirsty. He does not need to seek anyone else for the satisfaction of those desires (1Cor 7:2-5). The comparison with a cistern and a well points to the refreshment that sexuality provides. In arid Israel, having water is a valuable provision that gives great joy.

This is a different representation of sexuality than is sometimes given that all sexual experience should be curbed and done only for the purpose of procreation. Sexual desires, it is then claimed, are far too dangerous, those flowing waters are far too powerful. But that is not the language of the Bible. God has put the desire for sexuality in man as something good. Sexual intercourse can and may be enjoyed in the bond of marriage to His glory.

God has given experiencing it in marriage as a source of deep joy (Deu 24:5; Ecc 9:9; Gen 24:67). This is what we see in these verses. In doing so, we may see in the light of the New Testament that it is about a mystery that speaks of Christ and the church (Eph 5:25-33). It is clearly an experience sanctified by the Word of God.

Sexual desires may be developed and they may be developed for and with one’s own wife. Is it necessary to point this out? Yes, it is necessary, even if we have been married a little longer or for a long time. We must avoid any desire for a woman other than our own and ‘channel’ all desires, as it were, to our own wife. It comes down to one direction, that of one’s own wife. This also applies to the wife toward her husband.

The authority or right over one another’s body (1Cor 7:4) may not be abused. This will not happen if the husband remembers to love his wife as Christ has loved and still loves the church (Eph 5:25). It is important that the husband comes to understand his wife (1Pet 3:7). Therefore, husband and wife must get to know each other by communicating with each other. It is also important to be able to touch each other without sexual excitement, a touch that also occurs in the presence of others. Then sexual touch will also be an expression of love and not an abuse of the body of the other.

Verse 16 is a difficult verse to translate, so the explanation is not easy either. The best way seems to be to read this verse as a question, as is done here: “Should your springs dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets?” An explanation that fits the framework of the verse before and the verse after it is as follows. When the husband leaves his home and his wife to go to a strange woman, he “goes abroad”, to “the streams of water in the streets”. The springs that are abroad, the woman tempting him, are available to everyone, no matter how much the woman wants to convince him that she is only there for him (Pro 7:15).

In verse 17 comes the answer to the question of verse 16. The source of refreshment must be his own wife alone. It should not be an option that his love also goes out to a strange woman.

A spiritual application is that the Lord and Him alone is enough for us. He loves us unconditionally and exclusively and counts on our unconditional, exclusive love as well (2Cor 11:2). True satisfaction of every desire we have is found only in the love of Christ. As we grow older, our love for our wife will not diminish, but rather increase, as will our love for Christ.

The father wishes his son to be blessed in his dealings with his wife in marriage (verse 18). This shows that sexual joy in marriage is God-given and that he may enjoy it. The young man is called to “rejoice in the wife” of his “youth”. It is a joy that should always remain, even into old age (Ecc 9:9a). It is complete foolishness for a man and his wife to say that they are bored with one another and therefore just start a relationship with “a strange woman”. It is a lie and a disobedience, for God calls for joy over one’s wife, just as He calls for the husband to love his wife.

In the confidential dealings of the father with his son, he tells him to find in his own wife the satisfaction of his desires (verse 19). He points out to his son the behavior of the beloved wife, which he compares to “a loving hind and a graceful doe”. These animals move with elegance and graciousness. This is how he may look at his wife. Her breasts may enrapture him, he may become drunk with them, intoxicated by them.

Unceasingly he may be exhilarated with her love, that is, he may be “caught” by it and fall under its spell. He may continually delight over her. It is a call and also an instruction to focus only on one’s own wife for the fulfillment of sexual desires.

In verse 20, the father asks some rhetorical questions. If the son is in his right mind, he will not “be exhilarated with a strange woman” for a momentary connection with a temporary enjoyment of sin. Here the same word “exhilarate” is used as in the previous verse, but there it is a continual and permissible wandering. With a strange woman, there is no place and no time for intimacy. Intimacy requires a lifelong commitment to the wife of one’s youth.

The sin of adultery always takes place in secret; it is a work of darkness (Job 24:15-16). But nothing is hidden from God (verse 21; 2Chr 16:9; Job 31:4; 34:21; Pro 15:3 Jer 16:17; 32:19). He is not a human inspector who comes by once in a while to check on something or someone. He sees and weighs all the tracks left by an adulterer.

The behavior of such a man becomes an ingrained habit. The path to the strange woman has become a well-trodden one. We can also think of the tracks of misery that are left behind, such as the effects such behavior has on children and other family members.

Besides God seeing everything, He is also righteous. He knows the weight, the seriousness, of adultery and will judge the adulterer for it (Heb 13:4). To “weigh” means to test, which He will do according to His standard, the law, specifically with reference to the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exo 20:14).

The awareness that there are no secrets for God will help us not to do anything that cannot bear the light of day. An open and intimate relationship with God is an important means of keeping our human relationships pure and clean. The key to self-control is the realization that we are never alone, but that God sees us everywhere.

Lack of self-control in sexual gratification makes the wicked a prisoner of his iniquities (verse 22). Many people think that over time they will be able to quit a particular sin. However, they have no awareness that a sin that is repeated regularly is addictive and removes any resistance to break with it.

We see an example of this in Samson (although he was not a wicked man) being held captive by Delilah (Jdg 16:19-21). He is entangled in sin and is held in it and cannot free himself from it. Thus he is led to destruction. If the young man is not “captivated” by his own wife, but falls under the spell of a strange woman, his own iniquities will captivate him and he will be led to destruction.

The path of the adulterer ends in death (verse 23). He dies “for lack of instruction”, meaning there was no instruction he listened to. It can also mean that he was without self-discipline. One who does not listen to instruction to keep himself far from an adulteress goes astray in “the greatness of his folly”. So it is not just a folly, but a great folly.

For the believer, fornication or adultery is not just a sin, but a particular sin: “Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” (1Cor 6:18-19). Whoever commits “the great” folly of fornication or adultery, departs from the right path and will hopelessly go astray and die.