Proverbs 18

“He who separates himself” (verse 1) does so out of selfishness. His selfishness makes him an enemy of any kind of friendship. Anyone he should take account of hinders him in the pursuit of satisfying “[his own] desires”. All that is before his attention is what gives him pleasure himself. That is why he wants nothing to do with any kind of wisdom, because that confronts him with a higher purpose of life.

If anything is said to him about this, either by God from His Word if it is presented to him, or by a human being, if he wants to point something out to him, he “quarrels” against it. He is like the apostate Jews of whom it is written that they do not please God and are against all men (1Thes 2:15). His whole attitude shows that he belongs to those “who cause divisions [or: separate themselves], worldly-minded, devoid of the Spirit” (Jude 1:19).

By the way, there is a separation that God asks of us in His Word. That involves separation from sin and people living in sin and from those who accept sin in others and do not distance themselves from it (2Tim 2:19-21; 2Cor 6:14-17; Heb 13:13; 2Jn 1:7-11).

Verse 2 connects with verse 1. He who quarrels against all sound wisdom shows that he is “a fool”, one who by nature “does not delight in understanding”. What he does find the greatest pleasure in is giving his opinion and thereby “in revealing his own mind”. He abhors understanding, but enjoys bringing up his own foolish insights. By what he says, he reveals or betrays what is in his mind. Such a person asks questions to show how smart he is (at least that is what he thinks of himself) rather than wanting to be taught. He has a preformed, uncorrectable opinion and lets it be heard.

We find this fool in religious leaders in the days of the Lord Jesus. They cannot delight in the understanding Christ wants to give and even quarrel against it. They only want to air their own understanding and be admired for it.

“When a wicked man comes”, wherever that may be, in his wake follow his sworn comrades “contempt”, “dishonor” and “scorn”. Contempt comes along because the wicked will always look at the righteous with contempt, only to shower him with dishonor and scorn. To this end, he will always find something with him, either in his circumstances or in his way of life.

This conduct belongs to the wicked; it is his nature. To him, God has no meaning or value. The warning is to be wary of the wicked, for in his company are contempt, dishonor and scorn which he pours out on others in his speech and conduct.

The “man” here is a wise one. His “mouth” is compared to a place from which water bubbles forth, and his “words” are compared to that water. What he says are simple words, but they have deep meaning. Not only are the words profound, but they never run out and always contain wisdom because they come from “the fountain of wisdom”. The words of a man coming from the fountain of God’s thoughts are both deep and overflowing. It points to the depth and breadth of wisdom.

Wisdom is deep (Job 28:12-28), it is what is in God (Rom 11:33). It is a great grace that God has communicated to us His thoughts of wisdom. He has done so in His Word and by His Spirit. By His Spirit we can now know the depths of God (1Cor 2:9-10). Wisdom is not an ocean, but a fountain from which comes a stream that overflows. That fountain is the Lord Jesus.

Moses speaks of “deep waters” (Deu 8:7) as one of the blessings of the promised land. In the spiritual application, we can think of the blessing of eternal life. This is what the Lord Jesus speaks of when He says to the Samaritan woman: “But the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life” (Jn 4:14b).

In a world of which satan is god and ruler, it happens that a wicked person is favored and the right of the righteous is bent in judgment. Partiality may come into play if the wicked person is a rich person, or a family member, or someone influential through prestige. A righteous person may be a person who has pointed out evil, like Elijah and John the baptist. God abhors this course of action. He wants justice to be done fairly (2Chr 19:7; Mal 2:9). It is reprehensible to bend the right of a righteous person, that is, to set aside his right, to deprive him of his right.

This is not just about a judicial error, an unjust judgment, reflected in the acquittal of a wicked person who should be condemned. It is not so much about the outcome as the motive. That motive is favoritism, partiality (cf. 1Tim 5:21). It is a judgment because of prestige. It applies not only to a court of law, but in all cases. James applies it to the dealings of the members of God’s people among themselves (Jam 2:1-9). The Lord Jesus warns: “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (Jn 7:24).

Foolish people bring themselves in trouble because of what they say (verse 6). What “a fool” shouts brings “strife” His language is inflammatory or hurtful. Therefore, with what he calls he calls “for blows”, for punishment. What he says is not innocent. Not only wrong deeds must be punished, but also wrong words. Wrong deeds harm someone, wrong someone. Wrong words also disadvantage another and do him wrong.

For this he deserves punishment. That punishment may be administered to him, for example, by his parents, or by his boss, or by a judge. It may also be that he will be disciplined by God, because with what he says, he also calls God’s judgment upon himself.

Verse 7 is the continuation of verse 6 and goes a step further. There are not only blows attached to what he says, but with what he says, he works his own “ruin” (Ecc 10:12). The words he speaks with his lips are “the snare of his soul”, they are directed against his life. He becomes ensnared by his words; he is caught in them and perishes. Everything a fool says, even to defend himself, is the ground for his ruin. Everything he says, God will bring as evidence of the righteousness of his condemnation.

In verse 8, it is not about the fool’s lips and mouth, but about those who give their ear to it. The fool is also the whisperer, someone who spreads gossip. People enjoy listening to gossip. Gossip is “like dainty morsels”, which is food that is devoured with eagerness. When such ‘tasty’ pieces of food slide in, they fill their “innermost parts of the body”, up to the hiding corners of it, which stimulates the desire for more.

The innermost parts function as a storage chamber, where things that have been said are kept so that they can be brought up again later. Thus, we saw earlier that the listener helps the gossiper by listening to his gossip. His words are sucked in without thought and go down into the deepest inner being, where they do their sickening work, sickening soul and spirit to the point of death. The whisperer speaks with words “smoother than butter” and “softer than oil”, but which are “drawn swords” (Psa 55:21) and therefore have a deadly effect. They kill any remainders of sound spiritual life that may have been left.

Earlier proverbs about laziness are about forsaking one’s own occupations, causing the slacker to fall into poverty. Here it is about one who works for another, but does not do his work with diligence due to laziness. “He also who is slack in his work” is one who lets his hands hang limply. He is inactive. He is no better than one who actively sets out to destroy a work. They are both relatives of “him who destroys”, of an ‘arch-destroyer’; they are, so to speak, of the same ‘blood group’ as the devil. In one case, the work does not get finished; in the other, when it is finished, it is destroyed.

We can apply this to the work for the Lord. The lazy slave is as harmful to God’s kingdom as the wasteful slave (Mt 25:25; Lk 16:1). If we neglect to serve the Lord faithfully, we are counterproductive. What a person does not do can be just as harmful as what a person does. The Lord Jesus says: “He who does not gather with Me scatters” (Mt 12:30).

That “the name of the LORD is a strong tower” means that God is fully able to protect those who trust Him (verse 10; cf. Psa 71:3). The righteous need this because he lives in a world where the wicked are in control. The righteous person believes that his only safety is the Name of the LORD and therefore “runs into it”.

The metaphor points to one of the attributes of God and that is His power to protect. The word “runs” describes undivided reliance on that protection. We take refuge in that Name when we are in need, or in uncertainty, and then go to Him in prayer (Isa 50:10). We do so because we know He will receive us and provide the protection He promises to give to those who trust Him.

“Safe” is literally “set on high” and is a military term emphasizing the effect for those who take refuge in that Name (cf. Psa 20:1). The strong tower is also a high tower. The righteous one is behind thick walls, preventing hostile weapons from striking him. He is also on a high wall and therefore raised above the attacks, so that hostile weapons cannot reach him. The enemy cannot pass through the wall, nor can he climb it.

Rich people often assume that their property is their “strong city” that provides them with security (verse 11; cf. Job 31:24). They thereby build their own “high wall” of safety. But their reliance on this is an illusion. This false safety contradicts the real safety that God’s Name provides (verse 10). The rich man expects from his wealth what the righteous man expects from his God. The first metaphor, the strong city, suggests protection from all outside attacks; the second metaphor, the high wall, expresses their thoughts of being invincible.

Any protection that wealth can provide is extremely limited, both in terms of its strength and of its durability. Money can never guarantee absolute safety, unlike the Name of God that can do so (1Tim 6:17). Anyone who thinks that money can provide absolute safety is a true dreamer, someone outside the reality of life.

The rich man of verse 11 is the haughty man of verse 12, the man whose “heart ... is haughty”. His path ends in “destruction”. The way that leads to “honor”, is the way of “humility”.

The haughty one finds all safety in himself. He boasts in his own ability to protect himself. It is the false assurance of not needing anyone and being able to stand up for himself and take care of himself. But one thing is certain and that is that he faces destruction. There is no protection for him.

In contrast to this is “humility”, the realization that he cannot make it in his own strength, but depends on God. The humble takes refuge in the Name of God and will be honored by Him for it. The humiliation and glorification of the Lord Jesus is the clear example of this truth (Isa 52:13-15; 53:1-12; Phil 2:1-10). In this He is an example to all who follow Him in that way (Mt 23:12b).

The truth of this verse is important for everything we are told in a conversation or discussion. We must first listen to the whole story, let someone speak out, and only then respond. It leads to “folly and shame” if we answer when we have only heard half and fill in the rest ourselves. We must be “quick to hear, slow to speak” (Jam 1:19). This is especially true in the relationship to God and listening to His Word.

Poor listening means that we do not respect the person saying something. This lack of respect comes from being preoccupied with one’s own interests. One’s own thoughts are valued much higher than what the other person is saying. One’s own opinion is the only thing that matters. Those who engage in conversation with the other person in this way will do so to his own “folly and shame”.

He who has spirit, i.e. spiritual strength, who is healthy in his thinking, and can focus his thoughts on God, has peace in his heart and can endure his sickness. One can be physically disabled, but bear that well if there is “spirit” that can find rest in the way God is going. But if someone has “a broken spirit”, the burden of that way is often difficult to bear. In doing so, no one can sense exactly what is going on in such a person’s spirit.

Depression is a severe trial. In physical illness you can fall back on the will to live, but in depression the will to live is sometimes gone. Few things in the human experience are as difficult to deal with as depression. We see this in the suffering that came upon Job. Following on from the previous verse, we can say that here we must first and foremost learn to listen before we can even begin to formulate an answer to the question: “Who can bear it?”

The “knowledge” that “the mind of the prudent acquires” is knowledge concerning God and His judgment of all things. “The mind” refers to the mindset, the desire. It is also the storehouse of acquired knowledge. This is paramount. “The ear” is the means by which knowledge enters the mind. “The ear of the wise seeks knowledge” indicates effort, the eager seeking of knowledge. Knowledge must be sought, it does not come to you by chance.

“The ear of the wise” listens to teaching and thus takes in knowledge. The mind of the prudent discerns what the ear must hear to acquire knowledge. It is instructive to see that the wise in the book of Proverbs constantly seek knowledge. Those who are wise will always see themselves as learners and act accordingly. Those who know much are most aware of their ignorance. The ear seeks knowledge, the mind stores knowledge.

Prudent is he who can distinguish between good and evil. Wise is he who has learned to fear God. The one will lead to the other. The desire to truly know the difference between good and evil will lead us to God and work in us a holy reverence for Him.

The gift (mathan) referred to here is not the same as a bribe gift (shokhad). The word used here, mathan, is more general than the word shokhad (Pro 17:8,23), which has more of a negative meaning. It is generally true that a gift gives room for or opens a way to and gives entrance to “great people”. At the same time, we should not close our eyes to the danger that lies in offering a gift, that a gift nevertheless functions as a bribe. To that danger both the giver and the receiver must be mindful.

The proverb itself simply says that a gift can make someone lenient (Gen 32:20; 43:11; 1Sam 25:27). The gift is not given to flatter someone, but as a proof of due respect because of the place someone holds. It is about someone of distinction. He who approaches that person in this way is more likely to get in touch with him, for whatever cause, than someone who brutally asks for a conversation.

The first line of verse 17 confirms the general experience that he who is allowed to be the first to explain his lawsuit seems to be right. But before we declare him “righteous”, his neighbor must be heard and allowed to give his view of the dispute. This proverb reminds us that there are two parties in a dispute – about something professional, domestic or religious, for example – and that both parties to a dispute must be heard.

This is another warning against premature judgment (verse 13). First, all the facts must be known. We can only find that out by hearing both sides. There must be a hearing. Only when both sides have been heard can righteous judgment follow (Deu 1:16). Each must be able to present the case from his point of view.

The first may tell his story very convincingly, but when the second tells his story, it may turn out that the matter is nevertheless more nuanced than we thought after the first speaker. That should be the attitude in all cases where there is a difference of opinion. This could be, for example, in a family between children, between spouses and between brothers and sisters of a local church.

Verse 18 could involve a case where both parties of verse 17 have spoken, but where there has been no clarity as to who is right. It is a dispute “between the mighty ones”, people who hold important positions. They can both defend their lawsuit with fervor. That leaves the lot to separate between these mighty ones in the sense of resolving the dispute, with one being in the right.

If both parties acknowledge that God through the lot brings the dispute to an end (Pro 16:33) and accept the outcome, the dispute is out of the world. That is better than when it comes to a power struggle, of which others are always the victims. Today we have God’s Word and God’s Spirit and spiritually minded believers who can make a judgment in a court of law (1Cor 6:1-8).

However, there are also disputes where even the lot has no chance to provide a solution. This is in the case where a brother has been “offended” (verse 19). That injustice was done to the brother during an argument. Then he was treated in a way that hurt him so deeply that he withdrew and closed himself off from all contact.

He “[is harder to be won] than a strong city”, meaning that a strong city is easier to capture than to approach him to undo the injustice. The city in which he has enclosed himself is a fortress. The contentions underlying the injustice “are like the bars of a citadel”. That means he has barricaded the entrance to his heart.

This proverb is an observation without comment. For us, it is an exhortation not to offend a brother, which would cause him to fall into such a state of mind. If a brother, or a sister, does fall into such a state of mind, then it should not remain a mere observation. Love will do everything possible to win and restore the offended brother in his relationship with the Lord and with his fellow brothers and sisters.

The good, edifying words we speak with our “mouth” and our “lips” give inner (“his stomach”) satisfaction (verse 20). They are like seeds of good fruit that produce a satisfying yield or harvest. This saying is an incentive to take as much care of the words we speak as we do of the fruit of the trees we eat from. If we eat healthy fruit, we will remain healthy; if we eat unhealthy fruit, we will become sick. If our words are careful, God-fearing and good, “in grace ... seasoned with salt” (Col 4:6), to serve others with them, it will satiate ourselves. It gives satisfaction and a good conscience.

“His stomach” we can also apply to the conscience. To satiate the stomach, that is, to keep a good conscience, we must pay attention to what we say. Apart from immediate satiation, there is also a later yield or harvest. Also, when we see the “yield” of our wise, prudent, God-fearing words, that is, what effect they have, it gives deep satisfaction. They can be words we speak when we give advice, but also answers to questions we are asked.

Verse 21 again clearly suggests what the effect of our words can be. What kind of words are we sowing: for death or for life? That question is especially important for “those who love it”, that is, those who love “the tongue”. This is a wrong love, namely one who enjoys talking. He will eat the fruit of what he says. What he says will return to him. The fool sows words that bring death and destruction; the wise sows words that bring life. False teachers sow words with a seed of death and destruction; the ambassadors for Christ proclaim life.

He who seeks a wife that suits him will ask God to give her to him. He alone knows which wife matches which man. If he finds her under His guidance, he has found “a good thing”, that is, something that benefits him, making his life richer. The word “good” describes that it is something pleasing to God, beneficial to life and giving abundant joy.

Whoever finds this good thing in the wife he finds has obtained “favor from the LORD”. It will fill him with gratitude that God is so good to him. God has said: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). He has provided for this by giving this good thing.

The social conditions in which a person finds himself and the position he has in it have an effect on a person’s character. Poverty works a humble spirit that leads “a poor man” to beg for a favor. Having no other choice, he must speak with “supplications” to get something. “But the rich man answers roughly”, with harsh reproaches and rejection. He has never been in such a position of poverty and cannot imagine the feelings of a poor man.

The poor begs, the rich snarls at him. This is how it often happens. The rich man cannot have any sympathy for the poor man. Wealth often leads to being insensitive to the need of a poor man, who is roughly shaken off by the rich man when he makes his need known (cf. 1Sam 25:17; Jam 2:6; Mt 18:23-35).

The Lord Jesus gives us the good example. He listens to the supplications of the poor man and answers not roughly, but with love and compassion.

It is better to have one good, faithful friend than numerous unreliable friends. Apart from the friends, it also says something about the man who has many friends. He seems to be an ‘everyman’s friend’. This is not a positive trait, but a negative one. Someone who can be friends with everyone often has no opinion of his own. He set his sail to every wind because he wants to be friends with everyone. Chances are he will fare badly. When things go badly for him, they all drop him. They are ‘swallow friends’, they come when things are going well for you and leave when things are going badly for you.

Therefore, we should choose our friends with care and invest in them. It is not quantity that matters, but quality. A true friend is someone who is always there for you. Sometimes you have more help from him than from your own brother. David was treated with contempt by his brothers, but with loyalty by his friend Jonathan, even when he was persecuted and in trouble. Faithful friendship is more than affection, it is commitment through thick and thin.